Well trying didn't last long. The alarm went off at 5am but Matt couldn't get up and said to reset it for 7:30am, so I did. He then got up at 6 and left saying he'll be back soon.
I woke at 10:30am - made a cup of coffee - read some, dozed a bit more, read, dozed ....I said to myself that it he's not here by 12:30 I'm getting up. He shows up at 12:15! He spent all morning sorting out his bike, still hadn't called his Mum and now needed a coffee, alone.
I took it calmly and said I had a lot of stuff to do anyway and said I'll see him later.
I went and braved it to the Coffee Pod. Christie was on the till when I got there but disappeared when it was my turn to be served. I sat down with my latte and she came and cleared it, she never said Hello, so I did and she was polite! I stayed for a good hour and a half. I went on the internet and had emails from Lil Andy and Alex plus the regulars. I then did my chores and went to Chinook to organise the hot springs, unfortunately they're booked with people from the Coffee Pod! I know Christie's got the day off tomorrow. I was going to try at other places but then I thought she'd be there too! So I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow. It also kind of depends on the weather. I saw Matt at work and told him but he was in the kitchen alone so he didn't have time to talk. I wanted to actually do something exciting this afternoon, so I went to Remote Passages and asked about Whale-Watching and Kayaking and Hot Springs. The WW and K were on but clashed with softball tonight and the hot springs is limited to once only, which I did with Claire. So I figured I'd go to the beach. So now I'm on South Chesterman. Aaron came and kicked sand at me whilst he was on his jog, and I noticed Doug's van at Middle Chesterman but I couldn't be bothered to walk up there.
I was thinking about it and I don't think I could ever have an affair. When I'm with someone I have to know that I'm totally with them and they're totally with me. I hate this not knowing where I stand. I fell for Matt because he said such nice things to me - be he was probably working me! And he succeeded. Now he says the words but I'm not sure he means them.
After the beach I headed back into town. I saw Claire et al at the Coffee Pod so I went and sat down. We chatted for a while and then had a very awkward moment as I'd blocked in Christie's car so she had to come and speak to me to move it. If was fine though.
Claire and her posse went to Brad's to shower and I went to the B&W to see if I could see Matt. He didn't turn up in time so I had to go to Softball.
Christie was at softball and she actually played on our team. It was strange at first but once I broke the ice it was fine. After softball we sorted Paul out with the CAA to get in his car and hit the bar. I still hadn't seen Matt and waited at the B&W a bit longer then I went to the bar. We had a couple of pints and then I saw Matt walk past. He came and got beer from the van and then headed home. I went back to the bar got drinks bought for Liz and I from 3 guys. We stayed with them until the end then Liz drove me home. Apparently Al came around in the night with Sister but I don't remember at all.
$3.25 latte, $2.89 stamps, $6 2 pints
Wednesday 17th June
Rudely awoken and evicted! So at 8:30am I drove hungover and tired to the Coffee Pod. I was supposed to be meeting Liz at the van for breakfast so I wouldn't be waiting around for Matt. I sat with Doug and Al preparing to go out to the farm, then 10am came and went so I wandered around town looking for her. When I got back to the pod she was there we had a coffee and went for breakfast/lunch at the Alleyway. Then we went cruisin'. We saw the guys from last night and when we got back to the pod both Christie and Matt were there. Matt and Christie had words and then he joined us cruisin'. We looked for a few places to park the van. Then we had to go and get on the hot springs trip. We had a really good day - we weren't really together at all but he saw his first whales and was really excited. We checked out the campground and made our way home. I wasn't sure where home would be but as we got onto fourth street I saw Calvin was still at the pod. As we got closer, joking about staggering our entrances to the pod - I saw Christie sat in the van. Then the shit hit the fan. I would be here for months if I tried to explain it all but I hope in future years, when I read this, I'll remember what an arsehole he was and how I completely fell for it. It seems he's being doing stuff with her for the whole week he was with me. He's been blatantly lying to both of us. I knew if Christie asked Claire she would tell her the truth and sure enough she did. Christie asked Matt in front of me, if he'd slept with me and he said no! They went and talked and then we went and talked and of course he talked me round. I said I'd go to Aarons for a shower and maybe see him in the bar later.
Just as Claire got out of the shower there was a knock at the shack's door - Matt. So Claire was my mediator because I know what I wanted to say but as soon as he's there in front of me I go to pieces. So he answered a few questions - I wasn't entirely happy with the answers. I decided I'll sleep on it and go and see him in the morning. Claire and I talked some more and I decided I'd probably stay with him. So I went down to the bar at midnight. I couldn't see him there but I spoke to Stacey. She was wasted and I said "you look like you've had a few!" jokingly of course and she said thanks - fuck off!! So I was now in a great mood! So I went home and slept - 2nd street.
$8 brekkie, $2 bread and doughnuts
Thursday 18th June
Claire drove us to the coffee pod this morning, and I slept for an hour and a half after she went to work. I kind of decided that I would be a fool to stay with Matt and I got a latte to go and went!
I arrived at Bella Pacifica at 8am, not surprisingly Matt was asleep. So I woke him and we talked. We decided to be F&^k friends. I climbed into bed with him for an hour - I was cold and couldn't sleep so I got up and explained I was leaving and he said he didn't realise I wanted to be cuddled so I got back in and got a cuddle. Eventually he got up and went to wash so I chatted to Ilan and Ben which was really good and left. I did my laundry and told Claire that I wasn't with him and then Claire and I spent the afternoon sitting on the dock. We were at the Co-op and saw Christie - she was really nice and kind of made myself wake up. F&*k him - I seriously think he is warped. He doesn't know how to tell the truth. I can't believe any word he says. He's gone to Port today with Ilan and good riddance I say, well until I see him. I think I've decided not to do or encourage anything and see what he does. Anyway it's a big night out at the bar tonight and I've put on my sexiest clothes and he can't have me!
So now I'm at work. I feel a lot happier with the situation. I think I'll string him along a but more. We kind of don't trust him with the van either. I think a lawyer's going to get involved! and the heavies!
He came in and I was really off with him and then when I saw him at the bar he said I looked pretty - whatever! He was getting a lot of attention from other girls in the bar. I had a fair amount to drink - 4 bottles - and wanted to go home with him. Claire called me a stupid cow and we rowed and I stormed off home. I apologised to her when we got to the van and said I was angry at myself for wanting to go.
$3.05 latte, $3 laundry, $1.61 choc croissant, $1 crisps, $1 choc, $12 4 beers.
<these are extracts from my diaries written whilst travelling and working in Canada and the US in '97-'98>
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